Warning.... (Play Video at the end)

Like always I've been thinking of my place in this world, who I'm suppose to be... what I'm suppose to do, & how I interact with others. I realized that I'm an outcast. I'm selfish & I like to spend my time alone. Even in the presence of others I like to be "alone". I hate answering questions because I feel I don't have the answers. There is a quote that says "I know everything that you know and nothing that you don't" and that's truly how I feel. Don't ask me WHY am I am certain way or why I do what I do. I'm just getting to learn myself, so many of my years were comprised of being what someone else wanted me to be. So many people want me to wear a smile 100 percent of the time but there is a fire that burns within me to be GREAT, and it's frustrating to waste time doing meaningless things, answering meaningless questions and having people put an input into your life when they have not lived your life. One thing I know about myself is I don't like for people to think they KNOW me, nobody but God knows me.... my family doesn't even KNOW me. Picking my brain will end up being a disaster. When things become predictable it frustrates me. Routine is death to me. I guess what I'm tyring to say is this is a warning that if your going to love me, it will be hard & there is no point in sticking around if your feelings are easily hurt by my thoughts & way of being. I suggest you just turn around...

My new untitled poem...

I try to avoid confrontation but lately I get a strange feeling that very soon someone will happen to run into my fist
I know that sounds crazy but i envision it like a magnet, a very very big magnet so powerful that as soon as bullshit gets close to my hand it will uncontrollably raise,
stretch out in front of me like a high five but suddenly each finger will fold into a fist and... BAMN
the blood of bullshitter number one will spill out, coat my hand like his thick tongue coated my spine ,his mouth will clinch as if the impact forced him to bite his own lips that are filled with lies,
I'll see tears in his eyes but show no sympathy because at that moment I will enjoy finally seeing some emotion displayed
Surprised that he can feel, my fist will drop, fall to my side limp & lifeless & I'll have to question whether this collision of his face to my fist was intended... Somewhere between my passive attitude and numb heart was true feelings
& ever time a story went unheard, a hand went unheld, my fist would keep count of it, knowing that my mouth would not utter the words to let him know I felt unappreciated
I can't believe I'm daydreaming about this act of violence but nothing would make me feel better than to physically put him in check because clearly pussy don't make him like you more
so I'll resort back to my minor ways, I'll give him the grown up version of a love tap I just want respect and I'm OK with the idea of beating it out of him until he sees black...

"THEY COME THEY GO SOME REAL SOME FAUX "-HOV ---->>

Excuse me while I ...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (GASP FOR AIR)..... AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH

DO NOT BE ALARMED THIS SCREAM WAS INTERNAL, NO PILLOW CASES OR EARS WERE HARMED.

Wait til I get my money RIGHT...

...I like the way it HURTS.

"... Passionate, Envious, Threatening, Crazy ,Lovely. The same things that I hate kept the relationship thrilling. I'd realized that I was so use to feeling that thrill that now with a guy if he doesn't hurt me, choke me or be a little to rough it doesn't feel good, I lose interest quickly with gentle men." - B.Ross

Right?