It is what it is.... or is it?

Pain. Disappointment. BETRAYAL. anger. love. lust. ... wait

CONFUSED is the word I was looking for. I will never understand why things happened the way they did, I also will never guess how things will end up... yes confused I am, I am confused.


Is there really a reason for it all? Were the whippings I endured as a child the preparation for the abusive relationship I had as a teen? Was losing my virginity in the closet the foreshadow of my secret affairs... what does ALL things work together really mean? Is that a way of making me rationalize why my actions of today aren't so far fetched from my actions of the past... if all things work together will my weed smoking of 2011 explain my dementia of 2065 If I only did it 5 times will I still think that's the reason? Nothing really makes sense, I don't think there is a reason for everything. WHY did I have to trip today, I wasn't in a rush... wonder what lesson that will link to in the future....


I promise I initially wrote something more put together and structured, but it was 3 pages long and it really had no point at all, I apologize if this post isn't a clever poem or sassy quote, love song, or short story. Life isn't always structured.