Word.

"Made ends, made friends, made enemies, made amends, then made the same enemies again" ~ Tamir Rock

WHY: This is what came to mind when I was thinking about the current relationships I have with people in my life...  Hmmm.

XO

"Got a new book and got all in it, tried a little yoga for a minute but it won't let go...

I want YOU."

 

 

Skip A Step...

"There is no level of success, love of your life, or certain ONE thing you obtain that is going to be your pinnacle in life. The point of bliss should be a state of mind that you are consistently in when ALL things love, spirituality, monetary, and whatever else works in harmony with each other." B.Ross

 REAL STORY: When I was a child, going up and down stairs was tiresome for me. Sure it was only 10 steps from the top of the second floor to the bottom level in our home, but when you grab a plate full of warm cookies, and you get snuggled in bed only to realize you forgot the milk 10 steps becomes one too many; so I would always skip a step.  Even now as an adult whatever staircase it is, I'm always cutting time in half by skipping steps (even on escalators HAHA!). Metaphorically, I skip steps in life just like a lot of people. Growing up we're are made to believe there are "steps" in life you have to take to get the the next level; it is a theory embeded in us from early childhood. Remember the annoying little rhyme made up about two kids who have crushes on each other? It  goes "FIRST comes love, THEN comes marriage, THEN comes the baby in the baby carriage";  it sounds innocent but ironically when we reach adulthood we feel conviction when things don't happen for us in order. Sometimes we even get discouraged when we feel like the first step is a long way from the last step! I'm an "over thinker", so when things don't work out as I've so carefully planned I tend to always think to myself,  'what step did I miss?' But going over "steps" over and over in my head has never created a solution for me, however, when I ask myself what were the steps I made when I was happy or reached my goal I smirk; because it's always been when I did things MY way and that usually means I purposely skipped a step.  Every time we hold our self to someones standard of stepping we trip up! It's okay, in fact NECESSARY in life to create your own way of reaching your bliss. Sometimes it's in our fate to be so lucky that God purposely allowed us a way to have everything we want without the many steps others took to get there. I could tell you a list of skipping step blessings I've had in life from early promotions, to booking jobs, even winning $900 lottery one time when I didn't even go to the store to buy my own ticket... or falling in love without falling in LIKE (oop SHE did it lol!) Either way when you throwout the illusion of  this made up "order" to happiness you may discover you will, in time have everything you need at any given moment ALL at once even if you skip a step or two!

A little reminder...

 

 

Werd.

OLDIE to me, New to u!

Years ago I wrote this & at the time I was involved with someone I "should" have liked. He was a very sweet man, but of course I found a way to pick at every little flaw and somehow tricked my mind into  wanting him (along with other factors I won't mention). If he came around today I still wouldn't think he was made for me but I can say I would have been a little sweeter. Anyways this post that never was published was called "A lil poem off the top"



So there's this boy that buys me flowers

NO GIMMICKS on random days

we chill when it's hot even when I'm COLD

he's more on the mild, but I'm definitely BOLD

we vibe, we smoke, we paint

he's DOPE

no wonder he makes me S.I.C.K

(From my diary: Never titled and apparently I was 21)

 

ATTN: This poem from one of my journals contains references to a domestic violence situation. I hope that those who read this realize that abuse from either side (man or woman) is WRONG

& in the same respect NEVER let someone use you as a punching bag. LEAVE the first time. This poem is not meant to glorify violent relationships.

 

 

 

 

I try to avoid confrontation but lately I get a strange feeling that very soon HE will happen to run into my fist

and I know that sounds crazy but every time his hands gave my lips a kiss I would clench

ready to defend myself but choosing to suppress the hatred I had within I feared the unknown, could it really get any worse than this?

but after a while fear turns into drive and when tears run dry and your done being weak

you remind him of what it feels like to succumb to defeat

 now the good times are rolling lesser than few

& before I knew it my hand stretched out like his tended to 

the blood from the blow spilled out & coated my hand like his tongue once coated my spine

his mouth clinched as if the impact forced him to bite his own lips that are filled with lies

I saw tears in his eyes but showed no sympathy because at that moment I enjoyed finally seeing some emotion from a man that seemed so empty 

Surprised by his reaction because he thought I would've ran but I kneeled down & stretched both arms out so he could grab the last bit of love left in my hands 

the same hands that held him, cooked for him, cleaned, & would stroke his back through cold & rain but my gentle hands never got his attention on those days...

I didn't know that at 21 I'd still be playing these childish games 

Break up to make up to break up again pretend not to like each other & bring love taps back in, if he thought I wouldn't play along I guess he know now...

Punks jump up, to get knocked down. 

      (Excuse my gangsta ending LOL.) 

Something I wrote that I thought I lost...

Can we just lay?

lay here speechless so quiet that our own 2 heart beats seem loud as thunder

hold each other like a mother holds her wounded child and if a tear drops ask no questions just kiss it away and stroke my burdened shoulders with your strong hands. Hands that embrace so tight that not even water could slip through the cracks of your fingertips. Silent, lets meditate allowing our spirits to rise exchanging messages of clarity words mean nothing to me, what's said will never matter as much as what you do, so silence yourself while you lay here next to me, let the confusion fade like incense burning. Let the rhythm sooth us as the records turning... Can we just lay? 777- B.Ross

Thank You Mrs. Carter!

Recently I watched the HBO movie special on Beyonce "Life is But A Dream". The reason I follow Beyonce's career is because she stands out to me as not only one of the greatest performers of all time but because she is a respectable role model and does things with such class. As I prepare to ground myself in this womanhood I've approached I look to Beyonce for inspiration. There is a mystery behind her, her previous selectivity on responding to rumors is the perfect example of being disciplined enough to know when it is appropriate to speak. Many of us are sucked into social networking and are known for saying whatever, whenever we feel like it. We create an image of us with every tweet, post, and picture good or bad. After Beyonce's special I gained more respect for her and understood the importance of the mystery (privacy) she has created. When you create a level of privacy and go against the social networking world that consumes so many minutes of our day we open a window for those who really want to KNOW us all while creating an open ear for what we do need people to know. I'm taking a hiatus from social networks and getting back into sending out real messages  about important things like love, nature, empowerment, and inner beauty. When I reveal so much of myself on a daily basis it lessens the value of my words... because not every thought needs to be written and not every thing I do in the course of a day needs to be discussed. I'm growing, I'm changing, and I'm appreciative of role models like my sisters and BEYONCE who inspire me to speak less and DO more. The way Mrs. Carter documented her everyday life so SHE didn't forget a thing has moved me to do the same. One day I want to share my story with people and  introduce who I am and why I'm here... Below is one of my fav clips from Beyonce's special it's not about perfection it's about being human,working, living, loving, losing,  it's about being the example and being patient enough to wait until you fully develop to tell it ALL together I hope you get a chance to watch the full thing. It is beautiful:

Sink Or Swim?

As time moves forward and our eyes become wide to the life that is spinning around us we become submerged in the water of our own destiny.  Some of us lead a life of treading the waters, slowly moving through shallow areas where we can still see our feet beneath us. We watch our own steps and look down for the security of knowing you'll be able to rise above.Treaders are  Rationalist. Other people float through life, comfortable in one spot, allowing the waves of emotion and change to push you in any direction, an optimist. Although floating seems carefree and peaceful there are moments when you feel you've been pushed too far and because you've been floating for so long you panic. Panic is what causes us to decide whether we are going to sink or SWIM. Some people know how to swim, they've been taught, and learned so well that when panic occurs they are prepared while others know how to swim because of fear. In a literal sense I learned to swim from floating...I was an optimist with an arm float! When I was a child I took swimming lessons and was not able to learn. I was scared that my instructors wouldn't be able to save me, afraid that I would end up in water that is too deep. Then, one summer I was on family vacation (still a child) and I started treading, I trusted myself to stay in one place that was comfortable for me and while having my security wrapped around me as a guard (my arm float)  I dove into the water and began to swim under. Like a bee whose body is too big it should not be unable to fly I was a child who shouldn't have been able to swim but because I didn't KNOW that my arm float had come off I swam into the deepest of water by myself. Now as an adult I see that there are many things I was unaware I had the ability to do. When we SWIM through life we move toward something that is deeper. We take a chance by letting our feet up from beneath us and depend on our strength and will to get us to the point where we want to be.  Don't drown yourself in doubt by what you fear, or choose to tread in the same spot that gets you nowhere. Never become too comfortable being a "floater" either, because sooner or later it all comes down to TWO options. You must decide if you're going to SINK OR SWIM?