"Arrangements"

So... there I was once again left feeling insecure about this... arrangement, wondering what I lack that makes him not want to turn this into more than a quick fuck I dodge & duck reality every time I'm face to face with him. Me being cool I pretend to enjoy this non commitment, this non giving, non loving, self serving arrangement, trying to convince myself that I could have him ... but I cant he is like me stubborn, determined & a man that I cant figure out
& to scream & shout about this disconnection would make me a fool... coz of course I'm too cool so I just ride along, ride along on him I ride, I kiss his neck, I grab his back, straddle my legs around his waist and as I lay there drenched in his sweat & mine I realize that's the only thing he will ever share with me... what's wrong with me? Don't you find me attractive, intelligent, and worthy of a crown with a title that insist I am fully capable of doing more than lying down. Was my mistake giving you the closet thing I have my sweet pussy ... I was told the best gifts aren't monetary and contrary to your belief and as it may seem to the brothers on your team I do not do this all the time, I simply had a thing for you , but clearly you made other arrangements.