" I Fantasize...

*sigh* (I was going to really write something but I learn that some things are better left unsaid... so here is how I feel in song form) CAUTION: I am a dreamer so I'm always "IN LOVE" in thought! Don't worry nobody had my nose wide open .... yet.

"Call me crazy... I'm real with MINES.

I'm beat so I'm going to make this post quick! After another go getting grind hard week I found the time to converse with Pam Mines (Author of "God Chose Me" http://www.luvemlikeminespublishing.com/). I won't go into detail about the convo but long story short it was based on the fact that being honest about how you feel & what you want is OK as long as you don't allow your emotions to run your life. She told me she was proud of me because even though I do want that "somebody" I def don't limit myself on the pleasures of life & happiness! As I always tell myself & my ladies 'The King will appear when the Queen IS READY" So with that said If I like you ...(SO WHAT) it doesn't mean if you don't like me back my heart will be broken chances are I LIKE someone different every week! NEVER LET 'EMOTIONS' RUN YOUR LIFE... everything is exactly as it should be, all the things you lack are because in a way unseen they are unhealthy for you. Rejoice that God is able to see what we can't ;)

(PRESS PLAY... Lyrics are DOPE)

What the FREAK!?!

So as you all may or may not know I am VERY vocal about my opinions on most every topic especially SEX. I feel like from a womans perspective we have been made to mask our physical desires & wants. You would think that along with voting rights women would be liberated from these sexual double standards that clearly still exist. The truth is there is NO right way to have casual sex. If a single woman is a "hoe" for exploring her inner sex kitten then what are men? What difference does it make if you screw 10 men in 10 days or 10 men in 10 years?? You still have experienced the same amount of variety "10 IS 10". Now that we have the foundation of topic cleared up let's get to the REAL point. FREAKS;; some men say they don't trust a "freak" in fear that sex is all she is after & she is incapable of being in a monogamous relationship, my reply to that would be THAT'S BULLSHIT stop believing it! If men didn't really want a "freak" they wouldn't cheat. All men & women want the same thing, someone who is kind, LOYAL, trusting, & has great SEX. In order to be fully fulfilled in a relationship all parts of it must be in sync, so because a woman is vocal about her sexual behavior it does not negate from her capability to be a trustworthy "down ass" chick, in fact she is probably more likely to be just fit for a wife due to her willingness to PLEASE her man. In no way am I promoting promiscuity, as I mature DAILY I find that my body should be held sacred & not every man who woo's me should enter my temple unless he has ALL of me but I am simply killing the myth that a woman can't be freaky & a good girl at the same time. You have to look deeper into that person to make the assumption & not on sexual actions. Just like men women LUST & want to test drive that "thang" before they buy. A SMUT is the one you have to look out for, SMUTS have no life, no goals, no sense of companionship & only know how to open those legs .

Well it's been real I'm OUT.

B.Ross (Former PROUD freak! *in 2010 I've decided to close the cookie jar... maybe.)

"I have a DREAM...

So;; while most people were relaxing & reflecting on this beautiful MLK holiday I had a hands on salon interview & LANDED the job ;) It didn't dawn on me the significance of this day until my teacher called & left me a message relating MLK's dream with my dream that is coming true right in front of me. I almost had a moment when I thought about how blessed I am to be living a dream, a dream that is possible because of those before me. Another sign hit me today as I was watching the Rosa Parks story on BET. There was a scene when the barber shop was worked by all black hands yet owned by the white man, funny I now work in a salon OWNED by a lovely BLACK couple! Oh what a day (DREAM)...

MLK

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."
Martin Luther King, Jr. ♥

Dear Lover Friend,

Can't deny that it's attraction that made me aim to get it,
glad you made a move coz I was too shy to admit it
now weeks are passing and I'm still letting you hit, cant quit it, coz I like the way you feel up in it
never kiss and tell I keep our meetings on the low
I think the fun would be lost if I let our secret show
I don't express it but I get upset when it's time to go
you keep me wanting more as if there's parts of you I have yet to explore
I'm trapped in by this lust that mental knows aint right but it never stops me from transforming into your concubine for the night feeling like The Roots "you making sounds like the vibe got you reaching your heights" roll with the one that's breaking you off....I keep it tight lyyykkkkkeee lol ;)

Enjoy The Roots video "Break You Off"
"Keep each other thirsty
Kisses like Hershey
But lips is sealed
'Cause we don't need the controversy
I say I'm in town, You say you want it in the worst way

"Thinking of the many faces of men...NONE are him.

For the last couple of years I have had a dream of this man, I don't know who he is or what he looks like... but HE is love. I actually FEEL this man in my dreams he holds me, talks to me but in a whisper way where words are muffled and when I wake I feel this warmth. It's crazy what can occur while you sleep & how pictures can be painted in your mind & you awake and remember them like it's real life... I think dreams are PRE life. I truly believe that some dreams are messages from God giving you a preview of what's to come & it will come if you let it. The song below "Love is Blind" is referring to man in the flesh but I feel like this about the man in my dreams. Every time I have a "loverfriend" I feel like I'm cheating, BUT cheating myself because I can tell off bat that HE is not the him I dream of, I'm just pretending ...I imagine the faces of men but NONE are him.
(LISTEN)

Anytime; ANYplace ...

So after a year of being single & having a couple of flings here & there I realized that I miss PASSION. The older I become the more free I feel about expressing my sensuality & I become more comfortable with addressing my sexuality. As a woman we are trained to keep what, where, & who we want on the low but every once in awhile you'll run across a spirit just as free as you & that's when things get fun. I miss that. I miss the passion of really liking someone to the point it's almost love & feeling such a energy around them that you don't care who is watching or where you are it's like you have to have them right there.... what better way to express this than through this song....enjoy lovers ;)

What I meant to say ....

Ok so I was B.S'n; my mind is still scattered so I'm going to share random thoughts! You can hit me up on twitter @Blushed_BRoss if you want to go in detail on any of them.

• "MEN SUCK!" & "WOMEN SUCK!" (but not all of them!)
• YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL! (although your mind is trained to believe not)
• I SHOULD HAVE SAT ON ((YOUR)) FACE
• THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THE "PERFECT ONE" JUST THE HONEST ONE!
• MONEY WON'T GIVE YOU AN "O" TRUST ME I'VE TRIED IT.
• NO MANNERS = NO FRIENDSHIP
• IF YOU DON'T KNOW A WORD GOOGLE IT! (Because if you don't not only will I think you are illiterate but I'll think you lack the common sense use your sources.)
• gsddgsgdHFFHIHFSDBHJDJAAhilhfdlhflihfihfsli (i'M DONE!)

"What good do your words do if they can't understand you...

Hmm;; I was really going to write about "something" but as I started to write,my words were just as scattered as my mind is. I guess I'll save all the small minded people from trying to uncover my "craziness" as they call it. I'll leave you with a song to vibe to though...

Naked with thoughts...

Badu playing on the stereo...

Vanilla candle burning ...

Lights off.

Fan turning ...

Queen bed.

& me ...

Lying there naked with thoughts I unconsciously count the 3 seconds it takes for each breeze of Air to sweep my body from my nape to my toes

Shut eyes embracing the darkness, I breathe, then I spark this --

J walking, fast talking, city lights in my mind

Remembering when the city of New York was mine--

At least my old block that is

86Th. I take the 1 downtown feeling the urge to see who I can find --damn he's fine

Side tracked my dream skips to HE.

The HE I never speak of, just devour every piece of, every week on Thursday night--

"Hello Mr. Afternoon"

"Mr.Light skin butter pecan brown"

A short glance in his eyes for a fear of being lost

Deep kisses from this lover put my heart on defrost

As I turn around he lightly creeps up my back with the tip of his fingers, pulls me close from behind & the smell of his skin still lingers ...

quick shiver-- the switch of my body wakes me from my dream,that right before I would cum if this was reality--

Still the breeze from the fan hits my inner thigh & I'm chilled

naked with my thoughts my womanhood is revealed...

"Thought that I had lost (YOU)...

"But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, & bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members---I thank God---through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin.- From the book of Romans

(Everytime I pick up His word I find clarity in my current state of confusion.I need Him around.)

The Law of Assumption.

As I continue to mature & develop relationships I have become very observant of those who confuse "The Law of Attraction" with what I call "The Law of Assumption". The law of attraction teaches 'what you put out, you get in return' but where this can get sticky because many people are afraid to truly PUT OUT. I can only speak from a womans point of view, but I'm sure many men will agree that we have been trained to shield our emotions, kinda like a child touching a hot stove we don't want to be burned again BUT with a heart we must inch our way up and take a risk if we want to truly be happy. We need to put an end to "The Law of ASSUMPTION" no matter how many physical signals you are putting out to your "lover friend" we as humans operate on a verbal understanding. You can't always assume that the other person knows what you are thinking. For example: take 2 adults who have been "hooking up" for a couple of months, both are very friendly, nonchalant, & easy going. Outside of "hooking up" casual conversations persist but NEVER on the topic of relationship, political, or any subject that withholds some sort of substance. This scenario may be perfect for some & definitely can work if both adults KNOW that they have a mutual understanding but 9/10 1 of them is wondering "Where is this going?". Shielded that person doesn't want to express the concern so they use "The Law of Assumption" and assume the other person knows how they feel. This is CRAZY people! Your lack of communication can only do 1 thing, which is confuse both yourself & your "lover friend". If you want to attract the RIGHT energy, relationship, or friendship in your life you must SPEAK up on what your expectations are. SN: That example is completely fictional ;)

"One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter" - James Earl Jones

Random 1:32 AM thought....

"The only thing I appreciate about my extreme loneliness are the thoughts that compel me to write. If I wasn't single I fear that all my art would be thrown into a box never to be opened again. So shout out to the jerk that gave me my ART back!"

"Like Badu Ima tell you the truth...

Every new year we hype ourselves up to believe that in some magical way there is a new beginning... The truth is there is no such thing as a new beginning but WE CAN start a new ending! Think of "BAG lady" carrying all that crap on her back as she tries to move forward. The truth is she may not be able to start her journey over but she can drop off some of her baggage as she continues to travel; so people I encourage you in 2010 to "PACK LIGHT!" (SN: I love this LV garbage bag pic I found! What great symbolism that no matter what TRASH is wrapped in its still trash! Let him/her *cough* I mean it go)